Revolve 24

When you see racing cars going around a track on the telly, you don’t look at it and think “oh look that track is quite hilly” – you might look at it and register the fact that there are fast bends, slow bends and straight bits but the illusions created by TV cameras and the speed of cars or motorbikes means that gradients probably don’t make much of an impression. Perhaps it’s just me.

I went to Brands Hatch knowing there are a couple of uphill bits but when we arrived a couple of hours before the start of Revolve 24 – a 24 hour road bike race on the circuit – I saw people actually climbing up a steep hill. Brands Hatch, in spite of what the TV cameras suggest, is far from flat. About 65 metres of uphill per lap, in fact.

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It’s all fine, I thought. Every 24 hour MTB race I’ve done in the past has been hilly. What was different here though was that a lap was only 2.4 miles long, rather than the 8 or 9 miles of a typical 24 hour mountain bike course. Add to that the higher average speeds of racing on tarmac and you’re looking at each lap taking a few minutes, rather than almost an hour.

The circuit starts with a fast downhill bit, immediately followed by Druids – which is a steep (properly steep) hill, then there’s another fast down with a sharp left-hander, named after the legendary Graham Hill. A short flattish bit into the wind is followed by another steep climb then it’s up and down for a mile-and-a-bit, then a nice fast quarter mile past the start finish then it’s back to Druids. Or ‘Bloody Druids’ as it was known. It seems easy at first because none of the climbs are particularly long, but a few dozen laps later and it’s a completely different story.

Time to get dizzy and time to start learning my 65 times table.

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Debbie got my pit sorted out in one of the pit lane garages and I lined up for the start. The plan was to ride 10 laps and then pit – change a bottle, have a moan and carry on. With a +/- 2 laps variance Deb held up a little sign when it was time to come in at the end of the next lap.

Two hours in and I’d been lapped already – my mind playing tricks with me as ‘a lap down’ sounds like a lot but in reality it was 7 minutes.

10 more laps. It was raining now, quite hard and the track was getting exciting. Several sections of the normally grippy (a little too grippy really) tarmac were incredibly slippery, especially the fast downhill entry into the Graham Hill bend.

A 3pm start meant that I was soon riding with lights – I’d somehow forgot all my lights but luckily the race was sponsored by my amazing lighting sponsor – Exposure – who obviously took the piss a bit but sorted me out with some lights.

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10 more laps.

Pit. Moan. Bottle.

10 more laps.

Pit. Moan. Bottle.

10 more laps.

Pit. Moan. Bottle.

10 more laps.

Pit Moan. Bottle.

10 more laps.

Pit. Moan. Bottle.

10 more laps.

Pit. Moan. Bottle.

10 more laps.

Pit. Moan. Bottle.

10 more laps.

Pit Moan. Bottle.

I quickly lost count of how many laps I’d done but Deb was able to give me an accurate picture of where I was in the race. The riders who started off quickly several hours ago had long since had to have a sit down and I was at the front. Physically I was aching a bit but fine – the hardest part of this race was becoming the mental aspect and it was difficult at times to keep concentrating. I was pulling out laps, though. Here we go.

The track was now in complete darkness but the skies had cleared and the moon was shining.

10 more laps.

Pit. Moan. Bottle.

10 more laps.

Pit. Moan. Bottle.

10 more laps.

Pit. Moan. Bottle.

10 more laps.

Pit Moan. Bottle.

Pot Noodle. Moan.

Sunrise. The wind that had earlier spoilt one of the only flat parts of the course had by now settled down and the track started to dry out. By now I was starting to hate this track and I was starting to use the small chainring to try to increase my cadence and manage the pain.

10 more laps.

Pit. Moan. Bottle.

10 more laps.

Pit. Moan. Bottle.

10 more laps.

Pit. Moan. Bottle.

10 more laps.

Pit Moan. Bottle.

How many more laps do I need to do? Twenty? Ok. That’s sort of TWO in real money.

10 more laps.

Pit. Moan. Bottle.

10 more laps.

Pit. Moan. Bottle.

Just a couple more and I can stop. I’d maintained my 8 lap advantage so I lurked around the start of the finish straight until someone found the chequered flag and rode across the line, 167 laps in the bag.

It was certainly an unusual experience for me, I’m used to riding lots of laps in races, but normally 20-something 8 or 9 mile laps at a 10mph average, not 167 eight minute laps at 20mph.

There was something really cool about the race though – the sheer mileage covered (406 miles), the fact that you can sit in someone’s wheel and go fast enough for there to be an actual drafting effect, the prestige of racing around such a well-known circuit and mainly because it’s the first 24 hour race I’ve done where it rained and I wasn’t absolutely caked in mud.

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Thanks to everyone who organised the event, to Deb for pretty much steering me through to the end of the race, Tom and Mark at Exposure for their unwavering support as usual and to Phil at Scott UK for loaning me the fast, comfortable and just BRILLIANT Foil 20 (you’re not having it back).

 

Revolve 24 Charity appeal

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Next weekend I’m racing solo in the Revolve24 race – riding my road bike around and around and around Brand’s Hatch race circuit for an entire day.

Apparently I’m fundraising for Mission Motorsport along with the USE/Exposure Lights gang, however nobody told me that was the case until just now!
Anyway, heads will no doubt roll.

In the meantime, if you’ve got a couple of quid going spare and want to help a charity to provide rehabilitation and opportunities for injured military personnel then here’s the fundraising link.
https://mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/jasonmiles1

It’d be nice to help out a little bit in spite of the short-notice. I promise to ride like, a million laps or something.

What do we reckon? 500 quid in a week? GO!

More about Mission Motorsport here http://www.missionmotorsport.org/

All about the race here http://revolve24.com/

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Late for a race

8 minutes is all I had from the point I parked the car and applied the handbrake to the point where the race started. 8 minutes to get my number on my bike, get changed and drag myself to the start line. As if it wasn’t bad enough that I’ve not ridden a bike for the past 10 days…

“YOU’RE LATE!” shouts the British Cycling commissar. Thanks for that.

It’s ok mate, I’ve been battling through the traffic on the M6 to get here but you feel free to shout down the earhole of a paying punter. I wasn’t late anyway. I’d been there for a whole 3 seconds before you called my number out, so a bit confusing that one.

Resisting the urge to treat him like a glue-sniffing Spanish mugger, I lined up with the rest of the (probably relaxed and nicely warmed-up) riders on the start line and waited the few seconds for the start. “DON’T LEAN ON THE BARRIERS OR YOU’LL GET A PENALTY”-  the British Cycling Taliban continued to bark their orders.

And we’re off. 4 laps of blood-vapourising misery on a course made up of pebble-strewn fireroads and very narrow and tree-lined singletrack. Good job my handlebars are unfashionably narrow.

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The course at Cannock is ok really, in fact it’d be a lot of fun if you weren’t racing and/or trying to warm up by riding as fast as possible while trying not to puke. The whole event is really good in fact – the organisers Run and Ride clearly know how to provide a slick, friendly event.

It’s a shame then that the British Cycling lot seem to bring their unnecessarily crappy attitude with them….

Still, I didn’t get lapped, we met up with friends we’ve don’t see anywhere often enough and I cooled down afterwards with a ride around the Chase with Rachael.

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The Ride to Spain – or How Not To Do Big Rides

The Little Voice Of Reason, so often ignored, had been telling me for weeks that my plan to ride from the north coast of France to the south coast of Spain in less than a week was far too simplistic- far too basic and fraught with risk. The other little voice in my head – the laid-back, feet-up-on-the-desk, smoking a fag voice was saying “it’ll be fine” like it always does. Guess which one I was listening to?

Plotting my route on Google Maps from Caen to Murcia, I could see quite clearly that I would need to ride just over 1500 kilometres of ‘roads legal for cycling on’. The route would head in a south-westerly direction and follow the coastline of France from La Rochelle to Biarritz, from there it crossed the Pyrenees and headed due South across Spain. Easy. What could possibly go wrong?

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That was pretty much Plan A. Armed with my train tickets to Portsmouth and a ferry ticket to France I would leave my house after work on Friday on my Mango Bikes Point AR, covered in Ortieb bikepacking bags. I’d be taking minimal sleeping kit (a mat and a bivvy bag), even-more minimal clothing and spares to get me out of most situations.

Plan B, because one should always have a contingency plan situated somewhere in between ‘success’ and ‘rescue from life-and-death situation by a helicopter while on fire’, consisted of ‘Get the train’.

Erm…that’s it. While I’d done some homework in that I’d checked that France and Spain are actually aware of an invention called trains and that they’ve got some, I’d not really investigated further. I’d just go to a town or city and…you know…get a train…

I wasn’t going to invoke Plan B anyway. Mr Laid-back Puffing On A Lambert And Butler said so. Plan A was 100% bulletproof. No, 110% bulletproof.

Besides, too much planning would remove all of the fun anyway. What am I? Some kind of cyborg?

Off I went into the rush hour traffic of Manchester and rolled up on a train in Portsmouth some 8 hours later, 8 hours too early for the ferry. As night fell I busied myself by wandering around a bit, napping in a bus shelter and fiddling with my bike. Eventually the ferry set sail for France and luckily I bumped into some friends from Prestwich who loaned me their cabin for a couple of hours so that I could grab some sleep.

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Rolling off the ferry in Caen, I reckoned I could get three or four hours of riding in now before finding somewhere to sleep. I managed about 70 miles, including stopping briefly at some kind of village fete where I ate a hotdog and a tray of the oiliest chips in the world, before grabbing a few hours’ kip in an orchard (yes I realise I probably shouldn’t be camping willy-nilly in random orchards but anyhow). As soon as the first hint of daylight started to poke through the darkness at about 5am, I was packed up and on the road again.

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Day 2 needed to be A Big Day. I reckoned I needed to be riding over 200 miles daily if I was going to stay on top of the schedule and get to Murcia by Thursday. Today was Sunday.

It was a few miles before I realised that the route recommended by Google wasn’t going to be practical. While the roads on the route are cycling-legal, unless you really wanted to meet a sticky end under the wheels of a high-speed lorry you wouldn’t ride on them. Far from safe, they weren’t particularly enjoyable either.

Riding from village to village to town, always heading south, I was riding with the use of a paper map. Always sticking to minor roads I would see how I got on. It was when I reached Nantes though that the fun and games really started.

I’m not a fan of Nantes. In fact it’s probably one of the most horrible places I’ve ever been to. A non-existent cycling infrastructure, a motoring population seemingly hell-bent on the destruction of everyone else, traffic jams everywhere and a huge river bisecting the city that needed to be crossed.

That last bit cost me a good hour of riding around in circles (on one occasion almost straying onto the motorway) trying to find a bridge that wasn’t a motorway.

Glad to see the back of Nantes, I arrived in a small town called Port Saint Pere further south, complete with pizza restaurant and a campsite. The woman at the pizza place poured me a beer, made me a pizza and even refilled my waterbottles from the tap. The trouble was, I’d only travelled 170 miles and was nowhere near the point I should have been by Sunday night. Plan B edged closer.

By now I was starting to smell quite bad. I’d brought a couple of spare tops, a change of shorts and some spare socks. The temperature during the day was well into the 30s centigrade so I changed all the clothing that I could. Still, when I walked into boulangeries and supermarches, I was summarily given the “GET OUT OF MY SHOP” look by any shopkeeper who was unlucky enough to have a working sense of smell. No doubt me buying rather a lot of pastry, bottled water and processed meat products helped to ease their anguish.

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I pressed on in a southerly direction. By now I’d recognise the weather pattern – warm and not windy in the morning, extremely hot with a pesky headwind in the afternoon. Day 3 was better than day 2 though – this time I didn’t take as many wrong turns and managed to make it through La Rochelle and as far south as Rochefort. I also rode along the coast for a while, ate an ice cream and started to remember why I was doing this in the first place. I was still a long, long way behind schedule though and started to think very carefully about what to do next. At this rate the number of hours and miles I was riding wasn’t taking me far enough south and I was going to run out of time. I had intended to cross the border into Spain on Tuesday – currently I was nowhere near and I was now estimating Wednesday afternoon.

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I abandoned Plan A and set about riding to Plan B. I’d head for Spain and ride straight to San Sebastian. There, I’d get the train to Murcia. Simple.

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After a very short sleep in a farmer’s field and then another sleep slumped across a picnic table next to a salmon (or possibly trout) farm, day 4 was a good day. I’d been looking forward to this (rather big) bit because I had to ride to Royan, get the ferry across the estuary to the start of a 200-something mile long, traffic-free cycle path along the coast all the way to Biarritz.

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It’d be nice to ride it all in one go, but I expected there would be plenty of places to get a sneaky few hours’ sleep if I didn’t.

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Mile after mile of tarmac cycle path meandered through dense forests. Occasionally a car park or a caravan site would appear and thankfully many of them had shops nearby. I continued to load up on the packs of sliced cheese and garlic sausage. I had a near-crash when I rode straight into a party of naked cyclists who were evidently on their way to the (very crowded) nudist beach. “Not what I was expecting”, I thought as I ate the last of my processed wiener.

I managed to ride 200 miles that day but was still 50 miles or so from the Spanish border. I slept rough on a quiet harbour for a few hours, couldn’t get any sleep really so set off again at about 3am.

Being chased along a deserted cycle path in the dark, in a foreign country by torch-wielding and quite fast-moving thugs is not something I want to repeat in a hurry. I’d just ridden a double century in the heat, had a 2 hour sit down and now I’m having to sprint on a fully-laden bike because someone presumably wants to nick my bike/kick my head in/skin me alive or whatever. One of the guys had a head start on me as he ran from a point to my right and in front, so it wasn’t an absolute certainty that I’d be able to get away.

But I did and once I’d slowed down a bit, I left the cycle path at the first opportunity and carried on riding along the road, lights turned off. It was another hour before I reached the first town (the name of which I honestly can’t remember) and sat on the church steps until the sun came up.

That was all pretty shit and it took a long time for me to stop being really pissed off about it.

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I hurriedly pressed on for the border after stopping off at a bakery for some water and breakfast (they REALLY wanted me out of their shop quickly!) and eating it while checking the train timetable. This was going to be tight!

I never did find the cycle path again, which was probably just as well. I carried on along the roads into Bayonne and then Biarritz, both of which took AGES to negotiate – Bayonne seems to suffer with traffic jams everywhere and Biarritz has a very medieval layout. It looked like a fun place though and I grew envious of the beautiful people sipping fine wines outside posh bistros.

I knew the border was approaching because I started spotting Spanish number plates on cars and the terrain suddenly became very hilly. Hauling my tired legs and heavy, luggage-covered bike over the last few mountains and into Spain, I also noticed that the roads became rougher and even-less cycling friendly. I didn’t care though, I had two hours to cover the remaining 30 miles into San Sebastian before the train for Madrid was due to depart.

I practically skidded to a halt in the train station doorway with 30 minutes to spare after negotiating the midday San Sebastian traffic. “Estacion? Si, by the river!” were the directions given to me by the bloke on the moped.

“Bicicleta? No ees possible”, the Spanish ticket vendor said.

“What?”

“Your bicycle – no possible to take on train”

“What?”

“You need it in a bag”

“How about a box? Do you have a box that I can use?”

He handed me a small leaflet with specification of bags for bicycles. Basically, you can only take a bicycle on a Spanish train if it fits in a small suitcase. A folding bike, in other words. Definitely not a cyclocross bike.

I sent Debbie a text message with swear words in it, thus using my last 1% of phone battery.

SHIT.

It took all of 30 seconds to realise that my only option here was to abandon the bike, but only after I’d stripped as much value from it as I could.

So here I am, multitool in one hand, penknife in the other, undoing bolts to remove the stem, seatpost and brake calipers from my poor Mango Point AR. I’m sawing the hydraulic brake hoses to free up the master cylinder before slinging all of that into a water bottle to bathe in their own fluid. I’ve already removed the Ortlieb bags and I’ve got all the components laid out on my sleeping mat. Another minute or so later I’ve got the whole thing – bags, parts and sleeping kit – wrapped up with elastic straps and I’ve removed the wheels.

Oh, and the whole time I’m doing this, SOMEONE IS TRYING TO STEAL EVERYTHING FROM ME. Yep, I’m being mugged while performing emergency bicycle mechanics in the street of a foreign city. Knowing that the ‘mugger’ isn’t too steady on his feet (he’s carrying a glue sniffing bag in one hand), I give him a big old shove in the chest whereupon he staggers backwards and falls into the road. Whoops.

He seems ok(ish), I resist the urge to stamp on his leg and I gather up my stuff, take one last glance at the sorry sight of my abandoned bike and make my way back into the station where I buy a ticket to Murcia.

Ignoring the guard’s moaning that I “can’t take wheels onto a train” I climb aboard and sit down. Everyone thinks I smell bad.

I’m not out of the shit yet. When I arrived in Madrid it was 10pm. My train to Murcia wasn’t until the morning after. I’m stood in cycling shorts, cycling shoes and a sleeveless vest in a soon-to-be-closed train station with a rolled-up pile of bike parts on one hand and a pair of wheels in the other.

I approach a taxi driver to see if he can take me to a hotel. A risky move, admittedly, but I needed a shower and I wasn’t keen on spending another night sleeping rough, especially here. A taxi driver mini-conference breaks out. Eventually, a driver who speaks some English explains that there is a nice hotel with rooms to spare but it’ll cost 100 Euros.

I know the driver was probably getting a percentage, but It’s a nice hotel and I was grateful for the assistance to be fair to him. In fact, it’s a whole apartment in downtown Madrid so in some ways it’s a shame I was only going to be in town for another 6 hours….

I showered, charged my phone and slept like I’d never slept before.

The last chapter of this story is dull and uneventful, thankfully. The morning after, I discovered that the finest espresso in the world is actually available from a kiosk in Madrid train station. I got on the train to Murcia and it took me without any drama to Murcia. It even arrived 4 minutes early.

Have I learnt anything? Loads. I’ve learned that a trip like this needs to be open-ended. A deadline is incompatible with what turned out to be a 2000 kilometre bike ride.

I’ve learned that a Plan B needs to be A PLAN. Not an idea or a concept. The what, when, where and how need to be thought about rather than assuming that trains in other countries are as welcoming to bicycles in the UK (because they are very welcoming to bikes compared to other places).

French shops don’t seem to be open all hours like UK ones. Nor does France have any all-night garages, only automated ones and automated petrol stations don’t sell butties and chocolate.

I’ve also learned that just because Google says a ride is 1500 kilometres, it doesn’t mean that it’s all on roads that can be cycled on safely or enjoyably. I’d ridden 1200 Kilometres just getting to San Sebastian and I reckon Murcia was at least another 800 away from there.

Finally, a big “thanks” to Lyon Equipment for supplying the brilliant Ortlieb bags and to Mango Bikes for the use of the dear, departed Point AR. A fast, comfortable bike that was perfectly happy with whatever abuse I threw at it…apart from the abandonment bit. It probably didn’t like that bit very much.

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Salzkammergut Trophy romantic weekend away….

The Salzkammergut Trophy is a funny old race. The main event – the 211 kilometre ‘A’ route – is too hard to be approached in any way other than Very Seriously (if you want to beat the strict time cut-off and/or not end up bery broken indeed) and a lot of the distance is made up of forest roads and minor trails that are ridden twice and in some cases, three times over.

There are some technical sections, the majority of them downhill, but generally what happens there is that the vast majority of competitors dismount and walk/run (barge!) down those or attempt to ride them and immediately crash (and then walk).

This year the conditions were wet and muddy so the downhill mincing was even more prevalent.

Gravelly forest roads. The Salzkammergut region of Austria has got loads of them and the Austrians will happily make you ride up and down them all day long. They love gravelly fireroads. Many Austrians (and Germans it would seem) have got awesome Riding Down Gravelly Fireroads skills.

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To be perfectly honest I find them rather dull, especially if I’m riding them all day long. As long as there’s a view (and you’re actually looking up) then there’s a way of telling one from the other, but mostly they’re pretty much the same as each other.

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Debbie and I arrived on the day before the race, a bit frazzled because we’d driven the 1000 miles across Europe from Manchester. Driving there via the Channel Tunnel with two bikes and assorted gubbins is still a lot easier and cheaper than negotiating airports, baggage carousels and hire cars though, plus we were able to stock up on Belgian waffles on the way back.

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My start time was 5am. How unpleasant. I had just about enough time (after finding the campsite and signing in) for 4 hours sleep, after getting completely ripped off by the Bad Goisern campsite, located at the football club. 36 Euro for ONE NIGHT in a 2 man pop-up tent. This would have been easier to stomach had it not been for the Token Noisy Woman on the campsite. So make that two hours’ sleep. Cheers Token Noisy Woman. Here’s hoping your next poo is a pineapple.

Stuffing sweet cakey treats down my neck on the start line I once again noticed that a couple of hundred riders had snuck in between me and the start line. I reminded myself that I wasn’t actually here to ‘race’, only to get around the course more quickly than I did last year….besides, I couldn’t be arsed to push my way forward cos I don’t know how to say “shift over mate” in German. After the gun, I worked my way through the pack as best I could on the first road section and when we reached the first climb I picked my way through the various rolling roadblocks of granny ring-dwelling riders.

It was going ok for a few hours – I reached the heady heights of 90th place according to the splits in the results from starting in 230th position. I stopped at feed stations only when I needed to (and when they didn’t have The Scorpions blasting out at full volume) and generally felt good. A nice 16mph average speed was much faster than last time…..but maybe it was a bit too fast….

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After 5 hours or so my legs started to fall off. It was a shame really because I wasn’t even halfway around the route at this point. I attempted to recover and back off the pace for an hour or so, making full use of the long, smooth fireroad descents and the occasional entertaining (hilarious) tricky bit. A few freezing cold rain showers didn’t help matters, shivering, I quickly pulled on a jacket…took it off….pulled it back on….took it off….

I never really recovered and just got slower. Maybe an 18 hour drive the day before a hard bike ride wasn’t a good idea after all – who knew!?!

Meanwhile, Debbie was starting her 40k ride at 12pm. I was worried because I knew that she was worried and to be perfectly honest I knew she’d give 100%, but would she really be ok? Would she make the cut-off?

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I continued to ride through rain showers, grovelled up more big climbs and started to lose my sense of humour. A stopped for a couple of minutes to talk about Brexit (of all things) to some Dutch lads in fancy dress at the top of The Steepest Road In The Universe. They offered me beer and cigs. I was tempted but I carried on – ‘not too far now’ I thought….

The last few kilometres are a bit dragged out and slightly ‘down the back of the garages’ but eventually I arrived back in the centre of Bad Goisern, found Debbie and almost cried with relief when she told me she finished her race, wasn’t last and clearly hadn’t had any problems at all.

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In spite of the long periods of fireroad riding and the distance from home, the Salzkammergut Trophy has a certain allure – maybe it’s just the insane amount of climbing, maybe it’s the sheer size of the event (Bad Goisern IS the Salzkammergut Trophy for one weekend a year, you really have to see it to believe it), or perhaps it’s the incredible (INCREDIBLE) scenery in this part of the world that are the actual attractions. Whatever the pros and cons, it’s a stupidly hard race and you really can’t wing it.

Next up for me is a ride to the south of Spain, disappointingly Debbie has opted to fly there instead……