I had big plans for last night’s ride. It was the right time to do a “big” ride just prior to tapering for Mayhem so I had a route in mind, kids in bed on time and kit all ready to go.

5 minutes after setting off I got a flat, one of those instant loud-noise flats that had been caused by a piece of broken glass. There’s a slash in my rear tyre that needs a repair so I swapped the tube, pumped just enough air in it to get me home, back at the house I swapped lights over onto another bike and off I went again, cursing.

4 miles into the ride, I hit a gate post with my handlebar at full pelt and I’m sent down onto the dusty, grit-covered concrete, losing loads of skin from my knee and from my elbow and I thought I’d broken my shin on the top tube. At the point of impact with the ground a large fly decides to inspect the back of my throat. So I’m trying to cough this insect up whilst writhing around in a wood in agony, blood dripping from 2 of my limbs. I’ve not broken anything but I’m full of Nurofen in an attempt to get the swelling down.

I’ve torn my saddle and scuffed both brake levers (somehow).

Then it started to rain.

I went home.

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